Separate regression models by gender suggest that for men, being Republican and growing up in an intact family are not linked to a lower chance of cheating, after controlling for other factors. They blame their lovers or partners, when in fact, it's their own lack of communication that pushed them to seek an affair. In general, men are more likely than women to cheat: Extramarital affair serves as a steam valve Edward's and Connie's unacknowledged and unexpressed lust and aggression find expression in their emotional triangle with Paul. It may just be time for a serious discussion. Most of the time the cheating was not premeditated; they realized how lonely or vulnerable they were once someone else started paying attention to them. He teaches graduate courses in couples counseling and individual psychotherapy at NYU. But the sad truth is affairs do happen.
In fact, some women may feel a gratifying sense of power and control when engaged in a secret affair. We all like to think we'd never stand for it, never stay. Cultivating both love and desire towards one's life partner requires tolerating conflicting feelings: Intimacy fears Shutterstock Being afraid of intimacy has the power to destroy a relationship in more ways than one. For many middle-aged individuals, like the Sumners, mortality becomes more real and frightening. But the sad truth is affairs do happen. Don't let wounds fester. Rhonda Milrad, founder and CEO of Relationup , says having affair is sometimes just a method of taking the easy way out when your relationship is over. We often acknowledge only comfort-inducing parts of ourselves and our partners, while ignoring the anxiety-provoking parts. Most of the time the cheating was not premeditated; they realized how lonely or vulnerable they were once someone else started paying attention to them. Afraid they will break up, some couples turn to marriage counseling to unpack the meaning of the affair, and to rekindle love and desire. Put down your phones! Jess O'Reilly , the resident sexologist for Astroglide, says the reason women cheat is often quite simple — they're looking for something to do. Sexual incompatibility Shutterstock It's possible to connect with a partner on an emotional level, yet not quite hit that same mark in the bedroom. She says some people may be "scared of intimacy in a way that allows sexual desire to only be felt outside of a deep partnership, because there is too much closeness with a partner to feel safe merging through sex. On the other hand, married women who are less financially independent will tend to have lower testosterone and higher estrogen. The participant couples were asked to document intimate details about their relationship, including marital satisfaction, long-term commitment, whether they had been unfaithful and if they were still together. Although in the marital bed Connie allows only the gentle, loving parts of herself expression, in her extramarital affair, she luxuriates in domination and submission. Similarly, as part of the tacit agreement to keep lust out of their relationship, Edward views Connie played by Diane Lane as predictable, motherly, and incapable of risk or adventure. On the other hand, having a college degree is not linked to a higher chance of cheating. Infidelity for both men and women increases during the middle ages. Even so, older men were no more likely to cheat than their younger peers in the past. As Nicholas Wolfinger noted in an earlier post , Americans born in the s and s reported the highest rates of extramarital sex, perhaps because they were the first generations to come of age during the sexual revolution. In fact, for this husband and wife, marriage is their only emotional lifeline. Rewire Your Relationship Culture , says allowing touch and sex to drop off significantly is a major reason women tend to step out on their partners. Jess O'Reilly , the resident sexologist for Astroglide, this can sometimes case women to stray.
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